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Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Old journal fun!

My days sometimes take these random turns, like everyones I'm quite sure....It started normally. I'm sure it will end normal but so far, a few hours in I feel like I am on a new path. 

I called Mac Island Child care this morning to get Yvette into child mind so I can get back in my run groove...I'm 2 runs in this week and I feel like I've never ran in my life...not someone who just his summer was running 20 km on a sunday training for marathon. Oh has fast we fall...hahaha! That said I feel good and confident it will come back and I am honestly excited for the process again, well not the process but the feeling at the end, haha!

... ok side ramble, sorry! Back to my weird thoughts.

I called child mind...was put on hold...while on hold went on Facebook...saw a new post from the Fort Mcmurray film makers association, they posted pictures of the Ted X talks in town...that got me you tubing Ted X talks...which I watched about 3 minutes of before the kids needed food, and bums wiped, and toys found and well you know how it goes. It can take hours for a mom to do something that should take a "normal" person 15 minutes.... then while I was looking for said toy in our piles of boxes and messes and half packed bits and pieces, I found one of my old Jouranls from Christmas 2003! 

EEE! Who doesn't love a good journal reminisce!

This journal was the time in my life when I was an insurance broker, dating a distant Chad who was working in Fort McMurray while I lived in Edmonton, I was living with some girlfriends. Watching people around me move in with their partners, get married, travel or other such new life twists and turns. I was working 8-4 at a desk job wondering if Chad would ever want to live with me, get married or well you know all those girl thoughts. I had too much time on my hands to wonder about  my dreaded " future" haha! 

One paragraph I will share for a small taste:

" Well dear journal...I am going to grab my laundry from down the hall before the neighbours steal it again, watch " Newlyweds, Jessica and Nick" and try not to spend the rest of the night obsessing over Chad. Looking forward to his 6 off... Shauna said today if I want him to move forward maybe I should play hard to get. I wish that was my style. I am not over bearing but I am for sure "easy to get"  I hate playing games and I don't want to waste any time with someone who just doesn't know by now.....haha " 

hahaha...and awe. I wish I could have seen the future and not be so...worried....I was always so worried about my darn future! I had known forever what I wanted and was and am the MOST Impaitent person ever....I wish I could have mellowed out..Chad and I were dating about 2 years here and I wanted more and he was...on the fence. ...haha!

Then guess what. I flipped to the back of my journal and believe it or not, I did see the future back the..or I laid out my future, and then somehow I conjured it up because I am living it now. 

In the back I wrote a list of things I wanted. I will share it with you:

"  Things I want before I get to the last page of this journal"

1. Be in love and not care about what everyone thinks

2. Get married 

3. Move into our first home together and finally start a life with my love 

( side note, Chad refused to live with me before marriage...he's an old fashioned sort. I ached for his company those 3 years we lived apart. But I adored him, So we waited and never lived together until we bought our first house and moved to Fort McMurray days after our I think Jeez, I sure miss living on my own, hahaha!) 

4. Be memorable to people

5. Be happy

6. Don't worry about money. paying rent. car insurance. food. be settled and secure. Not extravagant but not fearful.

7. Find my passion and do it. 

8.  Maybe have a baby. 

9. graduate high school so I can stop lying about it

10. Get in shape. 

hahaha...some of these goals a little vague, some a little more specific...but then when I was moving into the house we currently live it ( and clearly in a sleep deprived fog because I don't remember doing this) I wrote next to these goals the dates I felt I accomplished them. All in a matter of about 6 years. I wrote what I did and the date and how it made me feel. The twins were 9 months old when I wrote next to my goals.  Today I read them and think how far I have come from where I was and far I have left to go. How my goals kind of sound the same but mean something totally different to me. 

I instantly thought of a few new ones. Specific ones. I wrote them down .I will share them soon. I honestly feel like if you write it down, say it out loud and remind yourself of it, you really have no choice to accomplish it...well if you REALLY want them. haha!

So I have new goals. Mor long term ones...They are in no particular order:

1. Be in love and not care what anyone thinks ( same as before, new meaning to me)

2. Be happy.

3. Be memorable

4. Finish writing a very personal script. Then read it, love it, bury it and move on.  THEN write that really funny one that will turn into a movie for the world to see!! lol

5. Run that marathon.  Lose the last 15 lbs. ( I will pat myself on the back for already losing 40..but this isn't a kudos session, its a GOAL session ;)

6.  Make my passion my career. 

7. Make Chad and the kids always feel like number 1. ( ok 1 thru 6) ha!

8. Be true to myself. Be honest about this life. Be strong. Be awesome. 

I know these might seem weird or vague and I have some more really specific ones ( like I really want to get my realtors licence, I want to go to Europe, I really want to plan our trip to Disney for next year, I really want to be better at doing the kids homework and not putting it off, haha)  

I honestly feel like I have this ting inside waiting to burst out ( and its not a baby...I think) I think we all feel like that. Or I hope we do because its a really good feeling... I feel so lucky and have so much opportunity being given to me in this life that I feel like its my responsibility to make things happen, its just meant to be that I will have many, many, stories to tell!

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