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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Life- bla

I am a tad tired so this might be one of those negative " whoa is me, boo hoo, my life is so hard" kind of posts...So latley when I feel this way I try to shake it off, pick myself up, rehearse some affirmative life quotes that I would like to share with you now...bahaha! Not really, I wish I was like that actually but I suck....I like to dwell on my grumpiness for a little while and over think all the things that drive me crazy, and write them all down to share with the world. Here I will give you a small list in hopes to make myself feel better:

Things that suck in my life:

( ok dont get me wrong this list is going to be really superficial. YOu wont see anything like, hungry, poverty, no home etc those really do suck... and I have a great life, again I am just tired and complaining however petty and annoying that seems it makes me feel better and Chad wont let me get therapy)


1. Waking up at 5:30 for he umpteenth time in a row to 3 toddler boys fighting in their room over a b" barbie princess Charm school book" after just feeding my sweet 4 month old and getting her back to sleep. ( So really up since 5)

2. Having no creamer again becase I rushed thru grocery shopping while I had the girls with me and Yvette was grumpy and Mia had to pee.

3. Having Reed and Ryley fight over who will sit on my lap at this very moment while I try to type about all the things they do that annoy me...aaaaaand I just got a foot in my face and a someone is pulling my pony tail.... " SERENITY NOW" ( there, I scared them...they are gone for a second...)

4. Making a meal plan for the month! Sticking to it! ( this makes me feel good) However, having not only my kids but my husband critisize 80% of this meal plan makes me feel bad. And then having my husband tell me in so many words how it could do it better, makes me feel bad too. Oh and him scrutinizing my shopping the last few weeks, again makes me feel bad. ( I used to let him grocery shop, now I want too, I know what we need better, and I am making all the meals and doing all the planning so I should get to shop...) In general cooking for, trying to feed, and then this morning throwing away the meal that took me an hour to cook last night that sat relativley untouched while my kids drank milk and my husband ate nachos with cheese and micrwaved french fries, makes me feel bad. ( For the record I made chicken pot pie, from left over roast chicken I cooked the night before, really is it that gross? You would rather micrwaved fries and nacho chips?

6. ( or 5, sorry 4. was long)

Having Chad be gone overnight in Calgary. I hate bedtimes alone. They suck and I always end up feeling like a bad mom while my kids cry in their rooms and I yell " I dont care!!!! Go to sleep!!!!"

7. Aftet buying groceries, cleaning and organizing my pantry I come down after putting Yvette to seep to find the twins have taken their energy ot on my clean panty. Picture above was from last night. Took me 45 minutes to clean it up and vaccum rice from all over my house...again.

8. Not having the time ro finish complaining about nonsense because the boys have just run upstairs and woke my baby girl. * sigh*

Monday, November 21, 2011

The beginning of the end

Ok, well I will just get to the point...Chad was suppossed to have his special " man surgery" in February so that we wont be having to dig condoms out of the washing macheine any more!
( that lovley reference is for my facebook gals)
and I was good with that, kind of sad,
(even though I dont want more babies or to be pregnant EVER, just sad about it and I cant explain why so dont ask)

I have been preparing for it mentally and thought I still had a few months to go until my baby making days were over....then a few weeks ago I got a call from the Hospitial saying they had a cancellation and Chad could get in in 2 weeks! WOW! The waiting list for "that procedure" here in Fort McMurray is a whole year and we have been on the list for over 9 months already so thats great news! I told the lady we will take the opening and called Chad and booked it up! Chad sounded hesitant and the I felt bad, so began the questions:
" Do you want too? If you dont want too, its ok we can still keep the Febuary one..."
" Are you ok?"
" Are you nervous?"
" Are you sad?"" ( note that the pitch in my voice only got higher with each question...)
" You do still want to do it right?? Cause I had to push out FIVE babies, TWO at the same time..and not that I expect you to do it...ok, well yes I do...but thats besides the you still want too??"
" seriously, answer me... are you ok??"

Chad responds: " yup, um, yup..I mean, one second..."

( my eyes are big and my heart is racing)

Chad: " Ok, good to go, I have no hockey booked for those few days after..good to go!"

??? men.

So tomorrow is the big day. I dont know if hes nervous and if he is he isnt saying...but I am nervous for him, and a bit sad still...yes yes I have five kids I should satisified and I am, I just hate endings....

We have had a busy few weeks, and Chad just came home from Chicago last week ( a changed man might I add...what happens in Chicago...?) So I havent been thinking much about the impending end of baby making days...then today I thought I should call the hospitial, a few weeks ago they said they would send us a package with details for Chad and we havent got it?
So I called and they said he didnt have any appoitments at all?? WHAT? None in Feb or tomorrow?? I almost lost it...but then rememberd all the litte ears around me and I was holding Yvette in my arms while I paced the kitched floor...

" what do you MEAN you have no appoitments AT ALL for him" Someone called me with a cancellation and moved his appoitment up 3 months? I clearly remember the conversation and my joy/sadness at this news....Is this for real? Am I beign punked?" I was assured he had no appoitments... long tense silence.....

" oh wait, we found the one in Feburary but we have no openings for tomorrow, why would you bring him in tomorrow when he has no apoitment?" ( possibly he dumbest question I have heard in a while)

I wont go into full detials of my conversation with the booking lady but it involved a lot of big words and deep breaths to remain calm...and after 15 minutes he had an appoitment for tomorrow! Yay! ( turns out they cancelled his Febuary one when they called me and no one re- booked it for the Novemeber they are "fitting him in" you fit in this kind of thing into a booked surgeons day I have no idea? As long as the surgeon isnt mad and taking it out on my poor husbands goods I dont care how they fit him in.

I called Chad with the story and he says " oh, I would have preferred Febuary" ...REALLY!? Well I am not going to call and change it now, so its tomorrow! Prepare your boys, your going under!"

I was so busy being annoyed with the hospitial (and Chad for that matter) and then it hit me...tomorrow my life will change forever. Not like it did when I got married, or got pregnant for the first ( or fourth time) but it will never be the same. I am officially ALL DONE having babies. I will never be pregnant again. ( I am a bit teary at this clear realization...) Never again will I have to worry about birth control ( well after the first few months to make sure the swimmers are all gone) never have to feel morning sickness, never feel the pains of a natural labor, never again imgine what more of our children would look like ( even though they would look like Chad, beacuse they ALL do) I have spent so much time getting pregnant, ( FYI, that part is fun) being pregnant ( less and less fun as I went along) and its been my thing I guess you could say? And now its all done. Yvette really is my last baby. She was my last positive test, my last horribly painful but so exciting labor last baby news to share with the world.... everything she does now is the last of the firsts...Its so weird...I didnt plan on ever having 5 kids...and usually they drive me so bonkers that I think I dont have any buisness being a mom...but now that that whole part of my life is over, its kind of sad.
So Tomorrow at 7am we will be taking Chad down to the hospitial...and that will be that. The end. I guess there is still a lot of new things to be excited about, like eventually all my kids will be able to wipe their own behinds....feed themselves, there will one day be no more carseats, no more Dora, no more toddler tantrums...I have to say that I am glad we didnt make it final after the twins...I'm gald I was able to " go out with a bang" Yvette is a wonderful baby, and makes me feel like sometimes I know what I am doing. So I know now is the time to end it and be happy and call it a day. But I'm sad :(