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Thursday, October 23, 2014


SO...the kids have been sick the last two days. Its not been ideal.

Haha, ok wait,  being sick is never ideal but its been a busy few days and I feel like we don't have time to be sick, haha!  Why can't the world just stop for 48 hours so we can watch cartoons, drink tea and be wrapped up under blankets together!

So, I was feeling a bit negative and I have been pushing it away and its been creeping up...not like monster negative but thinking things like this:

" My iPod broke and I haven't run in 6 days. I'm getting soft. I NEED to run. run. I gotta run it out. I NEED to run it out"

" The kids are all sick. I can't run. I can't go buy a 'refurbished' iPod. I can't run alone without music. waaah."

" I failed a test I took. I passed 4 like some kind of flipping untapped smarty pants, but failed one. Failed it miserably. I am an idiot. I'm so dumb. Why can't I just focus. Now I have to re-do it. Its another $200 and another trip to Edmonton. Oh don't have time to study and do it again why couldn't you just get it right the first time!"

" I need to finish Mias birthday party to do list.  I hate birthday parties"

" Chad had another reaction while running. I am a bit scared. We have to cancel our marathon until we figure out whats wrong. Devestated. Hard work was worth it but no finale. oh well. I feel good?"

" Chad is working so hard these days. He's so busy. Seems stressed on his phone all the time. I hope he's not shouldering more than he should. People are so lazy. Chad works so hard. Eff these people, they are so lucky to have him. So are we...when he's here"

" STOP all this negative talk..."

" Quitting wine is going...not well."

" Quitting coffee is going...even worse"

" I haven't blow dried my hair in 4 days. I have no time to blow dry. Oh god, I'm " that" lulus and wet pony tails...sigh...oh in another life I would be in a what not to do column..."

" The play doh you made for kindergarten was crap. Gotta buy play doh. Don't have time to buy play doh. Send old mish mashed play doh from our own collection to school and look like " that" mom who didn't make the perfect play doh. Eff those moms. Why can't I be one...waaah"  ;)

Among many other nonsense things, these are things that are on play-repeat in my mind...That said just now I said them all out loud, I wrote them all down. Literally just this second, in this blog.

Well  you know what happened. I feel better. I feel like as I was writing them I was coming up with solutions to resolve them or to just leave them un resolved and just let it go. Send that crap play doh to school and get over it.  Re write the test. It has to be done. Study harder, book it and just go again...and again and again if I have too..which I might because GAWD I am awful at math.

So then as I was thinking of solutions I looked around my house and you know what. All my kids are sick. Yes, I know I said this, BUT...they are not throwing up. They are not crying. They are not pooping in their pants...They are not even whinging for love and attention. They are quietly playing on the iPad together. They are playing lego. They are colouring on the couch. My house, full of germs, is calm. This is so unusual for us, sickness has always meant projectile vomiting and crying moms with crying toddlers for hours on end. This is not the case and I suddenly feel really really happy. babies are getting bigger. So are our germs! lol

THEN I read the Connect paper that was sitting in my office for a week while  I wait for the food in the oven to cook. A mom and blogger has an article in there and it was a wonderful read. She's accomplishing so much, she's gone from a successful blog to a successful career in communications right here in Fort McMuray! How inspiring! Then I went to check an email to see if the teachers got my messages about missed school and I saw that the film school in Vancouver sent our finished video to us today! It was written by a fellow classmate who lives in Edmonton, acted and filmed in a park in Vancouver and it was AWESOME to watch. It was fun to see it all completed! All the amazing memories and feelings from the week away all came flooding back and it was such a great 3 min moment in time!  I LOVED that experience, the people I met and cherish that week so much. What fantastic timing to get that email today when I was feeling soooo un-inspired! I am suddenly BACK!

All at once I am feeling less overwhelmed. Happier. Content and even ambitious?  So there it is. Gosh maybe I'm bi-polar but I was so blue, and sad...and now I feel remarkably better...I feel like I can at the very least, make it thru today in a much happier state of mind.

Thanks world, for giving me what I needed today. I appreciate it as does my husband who later will not have to hear this list rattled off right before bed ;)

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