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Sunday, August 3, 2014

Born to be average? maybe not?

About two and a half years ago I had 5 littles, my baby was about 6 months old, I was DONE having kids. So, I did the unthinkable and I took a long harsh look in the mirror.  Let me tell you it was not pretty. I was still in maternity pants and hadn't seen in the inside of the YMCA gym since my fallout with kiddie kare (which has since been MORE than rectified and I love them and they love my kids just for the record) Just pointing out that I was in a sad state. 

A few months earlier I had taken my first " girls trip" anywhere with some mommy friends, we went for a weekend to VEGAS! It was a trip full of great memories and good times...however one bad-ish memory for me and my self esteem will always be prominent in my mind.  I went with beautiful mommies who I loved,  and that was fine, they are hot, I'm used to being the "lesser" of the hot friends, its kind of my role in life, luckily its forced me to have this great personality to fall back on, haha! Don't get me wrong I felt ok about myself. I had a 4 month old  and felt pretty good given my leaky breasts and soft tummy.

On said ladies trip we decided to go down to Fremont street and hop on the zip line. Guess what kind of cruel punishment they get you to do just to make sure you REALLY want to go...they make you get on a SCALE and WEIGH you in front of EVERYONE. It flashes on a digital screen. In RED in front of....EVERYONE.  It was the most mortifying experience of my life and let me remind you I have had 5 babies naturally, legs in the air, fecal matter spewing on the table ( ok that only happened once but once is really enough to scar you and your husband for life) Like I was saying, I have been through the whole bit and this moment, getting on that scale in front of my girlfriends and tons of strangers topped that embarrassment 100 fold. 

This is the face of a girl who had just finished the zip line, ( the chubby faced girl on the left is me) I was smiling on the outside and bawling like a insecure teenager on the inside. It was awful and I hate to be so shallow and say this but I speak the truth, it literally ruined the rest of my trip. I still had a great time, ate yummy food, went to amazing shows and made great memories but that moment ruined me and I cried myself to sleep. Waaah. I don't like to wallow though or be negative SO maybe I should say it changed me. I came home and told my husband I needed to change and now was the time. 

The following month I went on my first official "diet" ever. It was really hard and I was REALLY grumpy and REALLY mad at all the food commercials and the gooey grilled cheese sandwiches I was making for the kids that I couldn't eat. In time though and with a lot of self talk and a bunch of B.S I would tell myself, I actually started to lose weight!! What?? I know, I have never been on a real diet or lost weight ever in my life. Who knew I had willpower. As the months went on one pound at a time, I managed to lose about 35 lbs on 6 months. This was huge for me! Then I got scared and realized I might have got my eating somewhat under control but I needed more or else I was one toddler tantrum or bad PMS moment away from a huge binge and a slippery slope back to maternity pants.

I decided to run. Why? Well, all the skinny people run. Correction, all the fit people I knew run. They look so good and happy ( mostly when they are done running, when your actually running you look sweaty and in pain)  and google told me its the best way to burn calories in the most efficient amount of time. Time to me is precious so done, I would learn to run. That's a whole blog on its own...for the sake of not making this 15 pages long let me say...I did it. It was hard and sucked and it takes a lot of commitment because if you stop even for a week you slide so far back that its annoying as you know what, to "start again".

To keep myself accountable I signed Chad and I up for this " fun run" called a Tough Mudder. Yup look it up. SUPER fun....Its 19km in the mountains of Whistler ( the one we did...twice) full of insane obstacles but it was a good goal to keep me going. That's another story too but we DID IT!

Here we are! We did it!

Well, we have since done another tough mudder a spartan , and a few little 5km races and I feel like we have really decided to make running a part of our life. ( I still eat WAY to much and if I didn't run I know that with my genetics and my love of all this cheesy and chocolatey goodness in the world those 35 ish pounds would come back FAST)

I should let you know that first, I am not a natural runner, whatever that means. I find each run a struggle and I don't often find that they get easier even when I'm consistent and eating well. I have ZERO natural endurance and have to self talk my ass off to make even a good 5km run.  I do like to put in earplugs and turn up the tunes and I am addicted to how good I feel AFTER a run, so I decided to try to push myself to see what I could do, or maybe what my breaking point is and what i will fail at, haha!

With my somewhat implied permission Chad signed us up for a Marathon. WTF? I know. Its 26.2 miles ( that's about 42 km) We decided to run it in November...in guess where VEGAS!  LOL!  So my goal right now is to finish. To train as best I can so I can even endure 4 hours running or however long it takes me to finish and not give up. Someone once said to me I don't have natural athletic ability or endurance but I do have a Whack load of determination. I would like to say I agree with all of this, its true. I am determined. I feel like we can do it. I will let you know for sure! 

Then after the marathon is done, guess what I am going to do. I am going to go down to Fremont street, get in line for that zip line and proudly weigh myself in front of everyone again and this time I am not going to cry no matter what the number says. No matter who is thinner or bigger or taller or shorter or hotter or whatever it makes no difference and I just want to do it and feel good about it. 

  I found out that I wasn't a fit person, no matter what my number said that day big or small I wasn't in shape ( or I was a lovely soft pear shape, but...) I wasn't fit. Now, I feel fit, I feel good. MY husband and I got up at 5am today and ran 9km and I feel good!  I am still not skinny, I still weigh on the very high end of acceptable for my height but I feel good. I can run. I can play sports. I can DANCE at EARLS until 2am non stop and feel amazing, haha....So although I dropped a few pounds and feel less insecure, I mostly just feel like I can do anyhting I decide to now.

Day one of Marathon Training started today with our 5am 9km run and I am looking forward, and more that slightly terrified about what the next 16 weeks will bring! We shall see!



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