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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Secrets

So I dont have a lot of secrets, (well I guess unless you count Coy telling me where all his trains are hidden so Reed and Ryley cant find them) and this is good because I hate keeping them and more often than not forget that I even knew of certian secrets... I have too much craziness going on in my brain daily and lose track of things that are not yelling, pooping or vomiting in my direction...however I have learned a few secrets in the last few days but yes, I will be keeping them they are secrets you know :)

So I was thinking all about me and my own secrets ( like I LOVE to pick boogers from my kids noses...no joke, I really do love it its really satisfying to get a good big one!)...Anyway, today after I dropped Mia off at school I took the other 4 kiddies to Extra foods when I ran into a wonderful lady that I met at Mias dance classes last year. She is the grandmother to one of the little dancers and is a very kind, warm, funny, just plain sweet lady. She talked to me for a few minutes while I loaded my brood into the cart. She said so many beautiful things to me, about me, that I wanted to blush and then hang my head in shame at being praised so... Its so odd to hear so many wonderful things all in one sentence when usually I am just getting yelled at by the poopey pukey things I just put in my cart. I said to her something that I have said before to other people,

" Oh your too nice, dont let me fool you, its all just really smoke and mirrors! I am really struggling every day to get us all put together!"

Then after we parted I wondered, is that my big secret? My secret is that I try hard...I try SO hard to make it seem like no big deal? Why? I dont know? Maybe that way when things fall apart it can seem like it was no big deal anyway? I guess this is something I just do, I think a lot of us do...let me tell you this day to day life of mine, its a lot of work, at this stage a lot of pretty darn thankless work...sometimes ( and mommies at certin playgroups I have been to can attest to this) something will happen, and I will be broken for a miute, long enough to question...I will question all that I do, and know about trying to be a good mom to these kids, how do you do that???...let alone how do you try to be a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister at the same time...what am I even doing being a mom I have no idea what I am doing??I never even had a pet as a kid, who wold give me a baby let alone 5?!What was I thinking..

Then someone will need a new diaper or a snack or a hug and then I am brought back to reality and snapped quickly away from pondering too long on life. ...so I will continue to plug away at this stay at home mom/wife thing and continue to try my best to make it look like no big deal even when it is a big deal..because I think deep down we all must know that it really is a big deal, right?

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