Its the Eve of my 10 year wedding anniversary.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Its the Eve of my 10 year wedding anniversary.
I feel a lot of mixed emotions when I say that. I feel happy, happy that we made it here. Sad that it has gone by honestly quite fast. Nervous that maybe I took some of those years for granted. Heart broken at some of our very low lows, Hopeful that the next 10 will be full of happiness and love and learning.
I have all these old journals and was reading the one from the night before my wedding. My friend Rhianna had come down for the wedding. She was staying with me and I was so happy to have here around! It was one of the last nights in my own apartment ( we didn't live together until we got married...haha how old school of us ;) So it was my last girly sleep over in that time in my life. We even slept in the same bed! She was a great help the next day when after my hair appointment some bridal hair not pinned well began to fall out! I have videos of her fixing it....this was SUCH a LONG time ago that iPhones didn't exist, and we actually used a video camera to record the day, LOL! Its on a CD somewhere and I intend to find it today....
The day was SO hectic. We had rented a hall and a crap ton of decorations to make said hall look less like a hall, haha....Chad and his groomsmen were busy getting all the booze for the wedding, Chads parents were busy helping set up decor and being generally really useful...My parents were getting my grandparents, who flew up from Oregon, settled in the hotel...my bridesmaids were busy getting pedicures and picking out matching jewellery ;)
I was bust running around like a chicken with her head cut off going to michaels to get more things for table decor, changing my mind last minute about how I wanted the hall to look ( it turned out well I believe) THEN after running all over and working hard I had to get my own nails done...I ended up having to squeeze in a moment, (no appointment made ahead as Im not a nail girl and didn't even think of it until I heard my bridesmaids were off getting theirs done...) SO I went alone to a mall shop and a tiny Asian did my nails then convinced me to tint my eyebrows. What a disaster THAT was....why did I say yes?? I then spent the next two hours looking for ways to make my normally light brown eyebrows, now black, look normal again. *was a very bad tearful moment for me...
I went to bed late and was restless. I woke up early and me my BFF Teri at a fancy hair salon on Whyte Ave owned at the time by a very good friend Debbie! The day was flying by...I had to get a card for Chad and ended up a shoppers drug mart with full hair and Veil on looking at cards and got stared at...beleive it or not back then I didn't like the attention and hated people staring at me...
There were of course more than a few hiccups that day...Ross was "lost" ( funny story ended up ok) Chad may of had to sleep in his car the night before...Flowers were a little mixed up...then our flower girl bouquets was forgot at my apartment...My Dad got lost on the way to the ceremony driving all us girls and we ended up almost 30 minutes late for my own wedding. Rhianna got lost and I struggled to track her down and wait for her so she didn't miss the wedding! ( She barley made it...)
The co-ordinator for the Provincial Museum where we were married was not impressed we were:
b) wanting to wait for my friend
c) needed a flower girl bouquet
that said...we got married. My friend Laura plated the guitar and sang as we all walked down the aisle. A family friend Margo took pictures for us...a Justice of the Peace married us under the tress in the grass and our friends and family cheered us on as we walked down back down the Aisle.
That feels like a whole other life ago. It feels like its as so long ago but then these years went so fast. I feel like I was so young. I was 23 and Chad was almost 26. We dated for 3 years before we said "I do" and well...hey here is a picture!
I guess I don't want to really talk all about that day but a general summary of the days and months and years that have followed since that picture...
Life has been nothing short of amazing for us in so many ways, on paper in stories in thinking back and talking about our life. It also threw us a lot of curve balls. I learned a lot about myself and did a lot of things I didn't think I would. NEVER did I think we would have 5 kids, twins, live in Fort McMurray for 10 years...and so much more.
We had a rough patch a while ago. I think we were both growing as people, I was making a lot of mistakes, but we both were. I was so confused and our life made no sense and I was so unhappy. Chad was unhappy and we were struggling to be in the same room with each other.
Never did I think on that day those emotions would bubble up. Never did I think that I would be so in love and so mad at the person I promised my life to. I'm sure never did he think he would love and hate me all at the same time too.
In those moments I learned the most about the man I married. I learned that the things I valued most about him were all still there...all still true and that maybe in my own struggles I forgot who he was as well as who I was. I forgot we really did like each other. I forgot life wasn't always so hectic and hard. I remembered that when I'm old, or if and when I get sick, or if I need a hand or a shoulder or help, someone to cry or lean on, he was the most dependable of all that have come into my life.
I took him for granted. He took me for granted.
Its a work in progress this is for sure. I posted this today...
" A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other"
So maybe some of the things we have been through have been the highest of all highs. Some of the things we have been through have been the lowest of lows. what I have learned is that we do love each other, very much. We are stubborn. We are not perfect. We are also not quitters. ( Sadly I am less perfect than he is but he never reads these posts so don't tell him ;)
In reflecting back on 10 years there are many more good memories than bad, all that I am trying to say is that life really is always changing and evolving and so are we. I never would have written our story the way it has played or for us if I was writing it today 10 years ago as a 23 year old young woman, but all that has commenced since May 28th 2005 has added to the richness of our life and the uniqueness of our story.
We are going to Edmonton tomorrow. We are leaving the kids with family and spending a few days alone together. We haven't had a night alone together in 18 months. We are going back to the city where we fell in love, back to the place we said I do and back to some of those moments in time where we can remember why we wanted this life together so bad. Why we try so hard every day even when is REALLY hard, and why in another 10 years we will still be hand in hand trying to do the best, do it the way WE want to do it and love every moment of it.