Annoying my husband, and flipping my shit.

So I don't really think I wrote any social media or announced to the world recently but Chad was playing hockey this weekend and he was tripped, hit the boards and hurt his shoulder. He had to go to Emergency to get two rounds of X-rays and discovered he has a pretty badly separated shoulder. BOO.

Well, that sucks for all of us, especially him. He is grumpy he cant play hockey right now and more so that he cant run! He has been training so hard and running so much and he has just been killing it, so that's really disappointing! I think he is going to try the stationary bike until he can run again but injuries suck and they ruin your routine. I feel badly for him, I really do...THEN I messed up in one little sentence...

So I said the other day in bed, after a particularly busy day " well, thank goodness its you and not me!"  I got the woman eyes from the man I love. He stared at me like I had two heads, both of which he hated. He said

" well thanks" turned his head to the other side of his pillow ( because he cant rollover and put his back to me, hehe)

I tried to explain what I meant but it was late and he didn't get it so we just said goodnight and went to bed.

Last night we discussed the new Federal government budget, I KNOW we are VERY interesting people. That aside and back to government budgets, Chad said something like,

" well I dont know, but I think its foolish to spend a billion dollars on women's equality issues or whatever" ...

I said

" well, I dont know about the money but I think it is an issue.  Women arnt viewed as equal, Men you included, always think your smarter, better,  faster or whatever and I dont really know if that will change but whatever It doesn't really bug me"

Chad gave me that look again. He said this

" So what your saying is you think Women are better than men than?"

" NO, I think they aren't equals. Different."

Chad says
" Like the other night when you said your glad your not hurt, because I am so useless that it doesn't matter if I am hurt, well you would notice how useless I am when no money is coming in"

AND ALEAHA FLIPS HER SHIT AND TRIES NOT TO JUMP ACCROSS THE ISLAND AND STRANGLE HER HUSBAND  FRONT OF THIER SMALL CHILDREN.

* Deep breath*

OK, first I didn't say he was useless, I said in clearly twisted words and poorly articulated conversation that I have a a lot of physically demanding, really annoying things to do in a day that sadly require me to uses BOTH hands. Just a small example, (and of course for the sake of argument I will clearly overvalue my role here and under play chads work role, but you will get the just of it.)

In our everyday life, not on holidays, and even on weekends when Chad has 3 days off who does all of this??:

1. Making 5 kids breakfast, 
2. " " 5 kids lunch
3. Helping get them dressed in snow gear, or do up laces, or put on gloves
4. Vaccum
5. Buy, load and unload groceries
6. Clean toliets
7. Do and then FOLD laundry
8. give kids baths and wash their hair ( boys and girls included)
9. Braid the girls hair
10. Cook supper
11. load a dishwaser
12. Wash all the remaining dishes that i cant CRAM in the dishwasher in the sink
13. Vaccum again
14. Tie up and take out the garbage

Generally ALL of the household duties form taking recycle out to maintaining kids and house and "life" fall on me and require the absolute use of TWO WORKING HANDS

Chad said " ok I'm useless then"

wtf.

I feel like he works very hard and provides a really fantastic life for us and we really wouldn't be able to FINANCIALLY be capable to things like buying groceries and paying for water to bath ourselves without him. I KNOW that, the facet doesn't escape me that I am a " stay at home mom" and I just take take take all your money and then make you feel useless. I don't mean to do that but clearly I do.

So he says

" ok, well I do nothing and you do it all and I guess I didn't realize you felt that way"

NOT WHAT I MEANT.

I meant, Chad has to take care of Chad. He has to dress himself, drive to work, sit in an office and have meetings all day Important meetings that mostly require his brain and not his hands.

What I  meant was how could I do ALL of those things that I have to do, in which small people RELY on me for on a non stop basis if I had no use of one arm. Would I just leave it all up to him while I laid in bed and mended myself? If he recalls I had a pretty big surgery about a year ago and even then no one " allowed" me to lay in bed and mend, no one even helped me make lunches, give bath or braid hair and I'm still pissed about that.

" Well that was your decision, you decided to DO a surgery. I'm hurt by accident"

You can see how this conversation was going, it wash pretty so we both just decided right there to stop talking. I did say lastly that I appreciate all he does, I do. When we are on holidays he really steps ups and does a lot of my " duties" in the cooking department.  When I asked him if he has ever vacuumed in the year we have lived in this new house he said " no"
have you ever done a load of laundry? " no"
Have you ever scrubbed a gross toilet soiled by 3 gross boys?  " no"
ever packed a kids lunch on your Friday off work when they have school? no.
well try doing all that with ONE arm is all I meant.

So we still love each other and conversations like this are pretty normal in the realm of people being together for 14 years but they are still annoying and I still need to vent about them.

In the end, Men no matter what they say don't appreciate the "job" of a stay at home mom. Not even mine who sees me and our life everyday understands it. I feel that what I do carries very little value in the eyes of a lot of men that I know, or the man that I know very well. So that's my rant.

Now If you will excuse me I am about to hop on a plane and get the heck out of here so Chad can see what its like to do it all. I will be back in 6 months. A weekend girls trip is no indicator of the everyday crap we have to do that they clearly don't even realize.

Its been long break

I always have great intentions when it comes to writhing and mean to write all the time, anyone who really knows me knows I have  A LOT to say... ha...but to find the time?! Where do people find the time...

My goals for the new year are going well and I am only mildly disappointed in myself for random reasons!  My two main goals right now ( aside from the kids and the " getting thru every day of our life with my sanity in tact" goal)  are this:

1. DO what I LOVE in the real world:

 I am on the verge of my real estate licence and ( two more weeks to go!) and I had a call from a realtor for my first ever realtor requested home staging job and it was AMAZING and fun. SO to be able to grow my " business" to do what I really like to do is a big goal. Real Estate and Home Staging. 

2. Get my fat ass back in shape!!

Another one is to make the time for fitness, running, yoga and personal space again. I had an interesting year and I was sidetracked from my happiness in the run/sweat of it all and I gained just over 10lbs and its going NOWHERE fast. Chad has been killing it and it is inspiring ( if not HORRIBLY ANNOYING) to see how far he has come and how great he looks. He's pretty hot. I cant deny it.  ;)  So every Monday I have been booking my fitness times again and my run times on the calendar so I get them done no matter. 

3. Do more in the Arts as much as I can without taking away from my family too much. 

I had the HUGE pleasure to be in a dinner theatre this year that was in support of Way Points ( formerly the Fort McMurray family crisis society) called Fanny and Manny tie the knot and every time I get to be around these artsy fartsty types, (hehe,) I am just in awe, and inspired, and overwhelmed and THRILLED to be in their presence...the community theatre actors I have met here are hands down some of the most fun, creative, smart, loving, caring, hilarious people I have met in my whole crazy life and I want to soak them up as much as I can! 

4. Write again. 

I need to blog. It makes me happy. I found the cue cards of the outline of my first screenplay that I wrote two years ago during a very turbulent time in my life. It was funny to read, sad to read but I remember what I great story it was and It deserves to be told. If only just to me, and I am going back to work on it. Its about love and hate and forgiveness and sex and lies and truth and being honest with who we are, and what our life is and what is isn't. I love it. Its my baby. 

OK, so that was a lot. I need to go run because my calendar says at 9am its RUN TIME! Its 8:54 and I still need to lace up!

A little break a lot of perspective

I keep wanting to write about a LOT of things...and then I keep stopping myself for some reason...typically I am SUCH an over-sharer that I literally make people, ( and by " people" I men my husband) cringe. So I have been trying to limit myself and up my filter for the sake of not being a source of frustration to the ones I love.... but its honestly hard. To be truthful it then makes me secretly resentful of the ones I love. In the last few years a lot has been going on in my little old personal life and I have learned that resentment is a bitter, bitter word to carry in your mouth, your heart and your life and its just toxic. I dont want to resent anything these days and I want to be authentic and happy.

Trying to be "better" for the ones I love I found myself stopping every time I wanted to share something, good bad, anything...THEN you know what...I kind of stop BEING myself then because for better or worse, I'm a chtter...a talker, a writer and a girl with a small-ish filter and you know what, it hasnt served me that badly as I have a pretty good life... and to be honest I like myself so why am I second guessing my natural instincts, I have good ones darnit! haha...SO I am going to write again and write whatever I feel like and maybe use a little more discretion but then again, maybe not!

On that note I will be right back...I have to go take my kids to day camp round 2~ hahahahaha!! THis whold day camp thing a few times a week has been AMAZING and I will write about that later, lol!

:)

Wedded Bliss

Its the Eve of my 10 year wedding anniversary. 

Whoa.

I feel a lot of mixed emotions when I say that. I feel happy, happy that we made it here. Sad that it has gone by honestly quite fast. Nervous that maybe I took some of those years for granted. Heart broken at some of our very low lows,  Hopeful that the next 10 will be full of happiness and love and learning. 

I have all these old journals and was reading the one from the night before my wedding. My friend Rhianna had come down for the wedding. She was staying with me and I was so happy to have here around! It was one of the last nights in my own apartment ( we didn't live together until we got married...haha how old school of us ;)  So it was my last girly sleep over in that time in my life. We even slept in the same bed! She was a great help the next day when after my hair appointment some bridal hair not pinned well began to fall out! I have videos of her fixing it....this was SUCH a LONG time ago that iPhones didn't exist, and we actually used a video camera to record the day, LOL! Its on a CD somewhere and I intend to find it today....

The day was SO hectic. We had rented a hall and a crap ton of decorations to make said hall look less like a hall, haha....Chad and his groomsmen were busy getting all the booze for the wedding, Chads parents were busy helping set up decor and being generally really useful...My parents were getting my grandparents, who flew up from Oregon, settled in the hotel...my bridesmaids were busy getting pedicures and picking out matching jewellery ;)  

I was bust running around like a chicken with her head cut off going to michaels to get more things for table decor, changing my mind last minute about how I wanted the hall to look ( it turned out well I believe)  THEN after running all over and working hard I had to get my own nails done...I ended up having to squeeze in a moment, (no appointment made ahead as Im not a nail girl and didn't even think of it until I heard my bridesmaids were off getting theirs done...) SO I went alone to a mall shop and a tiny Asian did my nails then convinced me to tint my eyebrows. What a disaster THAT was....why did I say yes?? I then spent the next two hours looking for ways to make my normally light brown eyebrows, now black, look normal again. *was a very bad tearful moment for me...

I went to bed late and was restless. I woke up early and me my BFF Teri at a fancy hair salon on Whyte Ave owned at the time by a very good friend Debbie! The day was flying by...I had to get a card for Chad and ended up a shoppers drug mart with full hair and Veil on looking at cards and got stared at...beleive it or not back then I didn't like the attention and hated people staring at me...

There were of course more than a few hiccups that day...Ross was "lost" ( funny story ended up ok) Chad may of had to sleep in his car the night before...Flowers were a little mixed up...then our flower girl bouquets was forgot at my apartment...My Dad got lost on the way to the ceremony driving all us girls and we ended up almost 30 minutes late for my own wedding. Rhianna got lost and I struggled to track her down and wait for her so she didn't miss the wedding! ( She barley made it...)

The co-ordinator for the Provincial Museum where we were married was not impressed we were: 

a) late

b) wanting to wait for my friend

c) needed a flower girl bouquet

that said...we got married. My friend Laura plated the guitar and sang as we all walked down the aisle. A family friend Margo took pictures for us...a Justice of the Peace married us under the tress in the grass and our friends and family cheered us on as we walked down back down the Aisle.

That feels like a whole other life ago. It feels like its as so long ago but then these years went so fast. I feel like I was so young. I was 23 and Chad was almost 26. We dated for 3 years before we said "I do" and well...hey here is a picture!

I guess I don't want to really talk all about that day but a general summary of the days and months and years that have followed since that picture...

Life has been nothing short of amazing for us in so many ways, on paper in stories in thinking back and talking about our life. It also threw us a lot of curve balls. I learned a lot about myself and did a lot of things I didn't think I would. NEVER did I think we would have 5 kids, twins, live in Fort McMurray for 10 years...and so much more. 

We had a rough patch a while ago. I think we were both growing as people, I was making a lot of mistakes, but we both were. I was so confused and our life made no sense and I was so unhappy. Chad was unhappy and we were struggling to be in the same room with each other. 

Never did I think on that day those emotions would bubble up. Never did I think that I would be so in love and so mad at the person I promised my life to. I'm sure never did he think he would love and hate me all at the same time too. 

In those moments I learned the most about the man I married. I learned that the things I valued most about him were all still there...all still true and that maybe in my own struggles I forgot who he was as well as who I was. I forgot we really did like each other. I forgot life wasn't always so hectic and hard. I remembered that when I'm old, or if and when I get sick, or if I need a hand or a shoulder or help, someone to cry or lean on, he was the most dependable of all that have come into my life. 

I took him for granted. He took me for granted. 

Its a work in progress this is for sure. I posted this today...

" A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other"

So maybe some of the things we have been through have been the highest of all highs. Some of the things we have been through have been the lowest of lows. what I have learned is that we do love each other, very much. We are stubborn. We are not perfect. We are also not quitters. ( Sadly I am less perfect than he is but he never reads these posts so don't tell him ;)

In reflecting back on 10 years there are many more good memories than bad, all that I am trying to say is that life really is always changing and evolving and so are we. I never would have written our story the way it has played or for us if I was writing it today 10 years ago as a 23 year old young woman, but all that has commenced since May 28th 2005 has added to the richness of our life and the uniqueness of our story. 

We are going to Edmonton tomorrow. We are leaving the kids with family and spending a few days alone together. We haven't had a night alone together in 18 months. We are going back to the city where we fell in love, back to the place we said I do and back to some of those moments in time where we can remember why we wanted this life together so bad. Why we try so hard every day even when is REALLY hard, and why in another 10 years we will still be hand in hand trying to do the best, do it the way WE want to do it and love every moment of it.

Oh my gosh I live in the "Country!"

Its been well over a week since I blogged and I have 18 million things I want to say but I feel like I can't even remember what they are!? haha

We live in the country! We have 2 acres! We have a school bus! My garbage cans are Bear proof? Trying to figure out how to get that open is a blog post all on its own. Yes it was tricky...yes I am a bit of an idiot but I'd like to see YOU figure it out! Oooh and now we live out here,  I don't need to walk to and from school! No need for drop off and pick up at school everyday! That sweet sanity saving yellow bus comes right to the driveway! NO more waiting around outside in -52! I can see the bus coming from the front window...I quickly walk the kids to the end of the driveway ( in my jammies I might add) and then run back! GLORIOUS! That alone is kind of worth it all...haha...

I am going to post a few pictures of the house soon...its ridiculous how much I love it. I love it even more living in it than when we looked at it empty. I don't want to be annoying but did I mention I LOVE IT...I feel like finally we are not tripping over each other!

(by that I mean mostly ME tripping over KIDS while I try to do the 800 things at once that they all want...whilst they follow me around demanding said things over, and over and over.....I still don't know why they do this...they literally follow me everywhere.. at least here I can lose them for a little, haha..or if they still do follow me like little baby ducklings, there is room to do play follow the leader)

I should be a little more clear because I sound so ungrateful! Our last house was amazing and I loved it, and we were SO happy to move into when we did!  It was a big house, with a great fenced yard, and in the best neighboured around...I had grand visions of renovating it and having it be our forever house...
then we had Yvette...ooops a 5th baby changes things a little haha...then the twins started to grow like GIANTS! Where did they come from?! Then one day the kids all had friends over and I realized one day, if they are lucky and each one has just ONE good friend and they come over...thats like 10 kids in the house and whatever adults want to subject themselves to that ( usually just Chad and I) thats a CRAP TON of people in one space!  

So we moved. It was a lot of work, ( massive shout outs to all those who came and helped!!)

It was a glorious sunny day!! It was warm and blue skies! Which in Fort McMurray in March meant it was a river of melted snow and water and mud in our yard and poor Crystal was on shovel duty scooping water in her rubbers and tossing it to the nearest snow bank....where it would melt a few minutes later haha...we all ended up with soaking wet socks and shoes, kids with dirty wet clothes, and friends left with sore backs and sweaty faces and not even a beer to be had! ( SO SORRY GUYS! I will re pay you I promise!) However,  being here I never want to leave. ever. because I love it. and moving sucks. haha.

NOW....I will write something much for exciting and entertaining later today...Currerntly Yvette is in this stage where she is convinced she's a puppy and she follows me barking all day..and licks my hands while I walk and such...she wants to play fetch and in general is pretty cute but SUPER annoying...shes trying to " jump" up on my lap right now so I will have to end the wonderfully boring post! haha

Till later! I have a few entertaining stories, well to me they are anyway...I shall share later :)

Pictures...

I wanted to throw some old pictures in of the house and mostly of the kids when we moved in here...they were SO LITTLE!

 Mias first picture in the new house!

 I had no real kitchen table for a while..so we just had...baby stuff!

 Bathtime in our new house included all the littles!

 A typical breakfast...

 Sweet Mia in the park behind our house...

 Handsome Coy

 The twiners..

The babies of the family at the time...

They learned to walk here :)

Moving...

I started to write a Facebook update that kind of started to become a long Aleaha type ramble...so I figured if I was going to write might as well jot it down here...we are moving....whoa.

So in 5 days we are moving...Chad and i have been packing the house and all of our things, all of our memories...good and bad....all of our crap!  Going through a lot of of stuff...physcial stuff, some emotional stuff haha...

( I would like to add that Chad has been doing SO Much work in the last few days ...of course I have in my own way, but he in the last few days has really taken on the lions share of the work...disassembling and moving furniture and such...) The house and all the regular things and activities still have to be done,  so I have been doing a lot of sorting and organizing and throwing out and packing but still have to do laundry, and cook and shuttle people and keep the house kind of clean-ish...so its been an interesting go....and I can't work tools so he gets the take apart and put back together jobs...sorry.

When we moved into the house we are in now, the twins were 8 months old...Coy was 20 months old and Mia had just turned 3 the month before...I was in a big baby fog, or a sleep deprived fog or something because I remember so little about the build up to the move,  and even the actual move itself? I remember it was freezing, It was November and like -100... Chad was deathly ill ( turns out he had that bird virus) and my parents came up...and Mia was watching the cartoon movie "UP" on play repeat...thats literally all I remember...and I remember thinking:

" WHY ARE WE MOVING IN -100 FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I CANT FEEL MY HANDS!"

We, like everyone else,  have a lot of stuff and MAN have I been throwing a lot out, haha! Its ridiculous the amount of "stuff" you accumulate in 5 and a half years, with 5 small ones....thats 5 christmas's what like 25 some odd birthdays? Plus just random things...school crafts, papers galore... kids clothes that we bought,  clothes that people gave us,  a zillion old snowsuits..baby blankets, holiday decorations, holiday costumes...things that we are holding onto for what reason exactly? SHOES...GLOVES...why do we have so many of those things, and they don't even fit??!

Thats just inside the house if you want to see STUFF think of this, we have a 3 car garage, with like 11 bikes in it, bags of skates and hockey gear, 2 cars, GT snow things, a broken washing machine...tools tools galore...its crazy.

( ps. at this moment Coy is sitting behind me rubbing my back as I type, trying to read what I am writing...COY COY COY...that is so relaxing...dont stop! LOL...I am talking to YOU!)


Ok...so being in this house has been a totally pleasure and I have loved living here. I feel like we are in the best neighbourhood in all of Fort McMurray. I feel like we live on the best street and our house has arguably the best location in the world...haha! Biased? noooo....why are we moving again!? Oh yes, we have 8 people in a 5 bedroom house and they won't stop growing!

So the house isn't the reason we are leaving per se. Its the fact that we went and had another child after we moved here, gained my brother and then realized we are going to sadly outgrow this house as well...we need like acres to raise these people the way we want, so we got a couple now and hopefully if they get too big for my "new" house we can just build them a garage in the back to sleep in or something! haha...

I was thinking of all the reasons why I was sad to leave this home and then I did happen to stumble upon of a few sad memories and sad but defining moments in my own life that happened here that make me a bit relieved to leave. How depressing righ, UGH, who wants to talk about that...oh yes I DO!

I see the bathroom I had my first real " mom breakdown" in and it wasn't pretty. ( the bathroom is pretty..the memory is heart wrenching) ..I locked myself in there for a while and then when Chad was home I took my tear soaked sweat pant wearing self and ran away from the house and never wanted to come back to it or that bathroom.... I cried in that bathroom more than once for more than one reason...clearly I came back. haha

I was thinking about how many friends have come and gone from my life while I have lived in this house. How many people I have lovingly invited over to share in our life and share moments with.

Lots of these people are still around, ( and come to the new house please and thank you!)  However some came into my life for a reason and are gone. They left some pretty tragic memories with them and left me a changed woman and I can't say that I won't be sad to know that I can leave that here in this house.  I feel almost invaded or...like my space has been invaded with their negative vibes.. to know that they are so aware of what my life looks like, or my house and my children's room and
nonsense like that ( does that even make sense?)  To move to a new house, where they have never been, never brought their sad or bitter or lost selves too makes me feel like as much as its a "new" house, in the same town...its a fresh house with a fresh start.

We have a lot of work to do in the next few days...so I should get off my butt and stop writing and get to it but I hope that this new house is a new chapter for our family. I hope we can make just as many good and bad ( haha) memories and raise our family there to become the kind of adults I would be proud to know and love. I have high hopes. I am full of gratitude to Chad for making all of this happen for us and I may even try to plant a garden...HAHA KIDDING, I'm no gardener, haha...I will plant my butt in a law chair and enjoy the peace!